Start with "when you do this." Keep things brief, straightforward. Next, highlight how that behaviour impacts the situation or project or their colleagues. Use phrases such as "I noticed that." or " I've been under the impression that." or "I've recently observed." This will ensure the other party doesn't feel attacked and yet can neutrally reflect on your observations. This is especially important when giving feedback: make sure to highlight that what you're saying comes from your point of view, your own observations - not just an objective fact. Just lay the context for what you want to say and why it's important. Speak about the facts without making accusations. What do you want to get out of this interaction? Make clear where you're coming from, what led to the conversation in the first place. Once both parties are ready to have that conversation, in the beginning, you need to clearly state your intention. Nothing too complicated, just a simple and straightforward, "would it be ok if we had a brief conversation about x and y?" So it's really important to start with asking permission. Nobody wants a difficult conversation just thrown at them out of the blue. When I discovered this structure the knot in my stomach eased: I felt fully equipped to intentionally deal with these conversations in a way that was win-win, effective and constructive. The more you're prepared and you know exactly what you want to get out of that interaction, the easier (and smoother) it'll become.Īnd to prepare, I always advise leaders to rely on a structure that's worked very well for me in the past and that keeps having amazing results for my clients, too. So how can we turn all of this around and make sure that difficult conversations can become instead powerful, constructive ones? In my role as a Managing Director, it was inevitable to have tough conversations.Yet, despite knowing that they were essential to confront key challenges, the feeling of a knot in my stomach just wouldn't go away! Personally, I used to find difficult conversations very stressful. In our heads we start to imagine how that conversation will go, what we'll say, how we'll handle their reaction - all of that before even stepping into the room! They bring out emotions, make us nervous and oftentimes put us in a state geared towards conflict, towards expecting the worst. □ Difficult conversations - especially those involving giving feedback - can be really frustrating, uncomfortable and unpleasant for many of us.
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